Shepherding a Child’s Heart (1)

The first chapter is entitled “Getting to the Heart of Behavior” and hits the core problem of modern methods of parenting straight on.

What your children say and do is a reflection of what is in their hearts. Luke 6:45

My son, Nathaniel, is 11 weeks old at the time of this post. He is cute and will snuggle very sweetly as I hold him on my chest. However, our previous history with his two older sisters has been a great teacher to Tammy and I. One day that sweet baby will stomp his foot and yell, “No!” at me over some issue he wants his way when I have told him to do otherwise. He will rebel against me, as his sisters have done and do on occassion, because that is his nature. They all inherited it from me and Tammy. We inherited it from our parents and they from theirs, etc. Scripture tells us that we are not sinners because we sin. We sin because we are sinners, from the heart.

Pastor Tripp warns that parents get sidetracked trying to curb behavior and neglect the deeper and more profound problem: the behavior reflects the status of the heart.

A change in behavior that does not stem from a change in heart is not commendable; it is condemnable. Is it not the hypocrisy that Jesus condemned in the Pharisees? Matthew 15

But, parents tend to be more concerned about stopping the annoying or disruptive behavior than helping the child understand how his heart produced the wrong behavior. I found Tripp’s analysis of this common scenario (daily at my house) very instructive.

Let’s take a familiar example from any home where there are two or more children. The children are playing and a fight breaks out over a particular toy. The classic response is “Who had it first?” This reponse misses the heart issues. “Who had it first?” is an issue of justice. Justice operates in favor of the child who was the quicker draw in getting the toy to begin with. If we look at this situation in terms of the heart, the issues change.

Now you have two offenders. Both children are displaying a hardness of heart toward the other. Both are being selfish. Both are saying, “I don’t care about you or your happiness. I am only concerned about myself. I want this toy. My happiness depends on possessing it. I will have it and be happy regardless of what that means to you.”

In terms of issues of the heart, you have two sinning children. Two children are preferring themselves before the other. Two children are breaking God’s law. Sure the circumstances are different. One is taking the toy the other has. The other is keeping the advantage. The circumstances are different, but the heart issues are the same - “I want my happiness, even at your expense.”

In this way, Tripp shows how the heart directs the behavior. Therefore, the area that needs to be confronted is the heart, beyond the behavior. We need to unmask for our children the fallen nature of their own hearts, using their behavior as a demonstration of their need for a Savior. This leads to the cross of Christ. Addressing issues of the heart “provides opportunities to show the glories of God, who sent His Son to change hearts and free people enslaved to sin.”

The following chapters address the child’s relationship to two broad sets of issues that affect him:

1. The child and his relationship to the shaping influences of life.
2. The child and his relationship to God.

We will address the shaping influences in the next post.